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 Posted: Wed Aug 09, 2006 5:58 pm Post subject: Answerphone message for Woody |
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Answering Machine at a Mental Hospital
"Hello, and welcome to the mental health
hotline......"
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1
repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to
press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5
and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and
what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If your are delusional, press 7. and your call
will be transferred to the mothership.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a
small voice will tell you what number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it dosent matter
what number you press no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 969696969696969696.
Answering Machine at a Mental Hospital
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget
with the pound key until a representive comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your
name, address, telephone number, date of birth, social security number,
and your mothers maden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder,
s-l-o-w-l-e-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a
message after the beep, or before the beep, or after the beep. Please
wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, If you have
short-term memory loss, press 9. press 9. If you have short-term memory
loss, press 9.
If you have low-selfesteem, please hang up. All
operators are too busy to talk to you.
If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan,
lay down & cry. You won't be crazy forever.
If you are blond don't press any buttons, you will just mess it up.
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