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 Posted: Wed Oct 04, 2006 3:09 pm Post subject: So silly you have to laugh |
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Thing Tommy cooper said!!!!
>>>1. Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least
>>>one of
>>>them would have seen it.
>>>
>>>2. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy
>>>marijuana,
>>>press the hash key..."
>>>
>>>3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for
>>>shorts.
>>>The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
>>>
>>>4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
>>>couldn't
>>>find any.
>>>
>>>5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that
>>>he
>>>couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, No, the steaks
>>>are
>>>too high."
>>>
>>>6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled
>>>him
>>>in.
>>>
>>>7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He
>>>shouted,
>>>"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I
>>>know you
>>>can't, I've cut your arms off".
>>>
>>>8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.
>>>
>>>9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in
>>>the
>>>craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your
>>>kayak
>>>and heat it.
>>>
>>>10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van
>>>covered
>>>with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
>>>
>>>11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his
>>>head.
>>>Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
>>>
>>>12. 'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home'
>>>"That
>>>soundslike Tom Jones syndrome. 'Is it common?' "It's not unusual."
>>>
>>>13. A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog is
>>>cross-eyed, is
>>>there anything you can do for him?"
>>>"Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the
>>>dog up
>>>and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says,
>>>"I'm
>>>going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
>>>"No,
>>>because he's really heavy"
>>>
>>>14. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball
>>>stuck up
>>>my backside." "How's that?" "Don't you start."
>>>
>>>15. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!
>>>
>>>16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
>>>
>>>17. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can
>>>you
>>>give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your
>>>oyster,
>>>go for it.'
>>>
>>>18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are
>>>5
>>>people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum
>>>or my
>>>Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu?
>>>But I
>>>think its Colin.
>>>
>>>19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round."
>>>The
>>>other one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!"
>>>
>>>20. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery
>>>acid,
>>>and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the
>>>other
>>>one off.
>>>
>>>21. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving
>>>today.
>>>They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking
>>>Fine.' So
>>>that was nice."
>>>
>>>22. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in
>>>several
>>>places" The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore"
>>>
>>>23. Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when
>>>a
>>>small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish
>>>search and
>>>rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that
>>>number
>>>to climb as digging continues into the night
>>>
>>>24. Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if
>>>blind
>>>people were given pointed sticks?
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